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Phrases That Should Be Banned From TV Food Shows

Well, I’m snowed in…actually, mostly ice, so it’s even more dangerous to go out…so, I’m watching some food shows on TV. Honestly, I think I’m going to have to find something to binge watch on Netflix, instead. As much as I love to cook and travel…as much as I enjoy seeing places around the country, and around the world, where I would love to go and eat…I am about worn out on the tired cliches, the sexual innuendos, and the mixed up references.  In my opinion, today’s editors are not up to the job, writers believe that sex and cliches sell, so they use the excuse be lazy, and the on-air talent is woefully lacking on the ability to believably deliver lines. (There are a few exceptions, for instance Alie Ward: believable, beautiful, and knows how to deliver the lines. And Samantha Brown, on the Travel Channel, could deliver the hokiest line and make anybody believe it.  And I am worn OUT on competition shows…especially those that involve kids and/or cupcakes. Ugh!

Over the last couple of years, I have found a few phrases that irritate me the most. First, the sexual innuendos. Anything that uses a variation of  “a flavor explosion in my mouth”. I don’t want to hear about what happens in your mouth, unless it involves a strictly descriptive remark like “It melts in your mouth.”.

Second, the cliches. “It’s the best thing I ever ate.” Overuse and incorrect use of the word “literally”, as in “My mouth is literally on fire.” No, it isn’t, or we would be throwing water on you and calling 911. “You can NOT go to [fill in the city] without going to [fill in the eatery] and trying [fill in the dish].” Yes, I can.

Next, the mixed up references, like “Even a blind squirrel can get the right time twice a day.” Say what?! Okay, it’s “Even a blind squirrel finds a nut, once in awhile.” and ” Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”. If you don’t know the correct phrase or its proper usage, then skip it!

Finally, here’s one that Andrew Zimmern really owns, and it’s really irritating. If you KNOW that you are eating something that most people would find particularly nasty, even if you have developed an affinity for the flavor, please don’t try to convince us that it’s okay and make up words to describe it. For instance, if it’s an organ meat and you describe it as “livery, tinny, metallic, irony”, or  you eat a bug and describe it as a “custardy puss-bag”. Or how about the intestines, and you remark that you can tell that it’s the lower intestine, because it tastes like “that end” and, in fact, you think it tastes like there might still be “a bullet in the chamber”…and then you add: “BUT IN A GOOD WAY.”!!! Andrew, you can’t convince someone that something tastes like farm animal feces, but that that is a GOOD thing. I’m sorry, there is no good way for something to taste like excrement.

Please, food and travel oriented channels, find some new inspiration. Get some competent editors and writers. Hire people because they can deliver the lines well, not because they win some silly competitions (and by the way, we don’t need to watch the hiring process.). Kids are cute, but not when they are precocious kitchen prodigies. You can only do so many baking competition shows and keep our interest. Are you getting the point that competition shows, in general, are being WAY overdone? Well, they are.

As for the phrases, this goes back to the writers, editors, and perhaps the on-air personalities, depending on if they are allowed to ad-lib lines: cutesy alliteration, cliches, and especially all the sexual innuendo, need to be curtailed. If I have to hear that chubby woman with the messy hair refer to what’s happening in her mouth, or to her body, because of a bite of food, and then giggle about it, one more time, I’ll throw up.

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